"Recipe for a Disaster" by The Telling Room’s 2021 Food Writing Camp
Image Description: A bag of flour, measuring cup, honey, wooden spatula, and spoon on a kitchen countertop.
A dish created by The Telling Room’s 2021 Food Writing Camp
Clark Abrahamsen, Coltrane Vitalius, Delia Tomkus, Ellie Harrell, Eve Kavookjian, Evie Smith, Lilia Sawhney, Simon Thayer, Sophia Ecker
Ingredients:
1 box cutter
1 6-year-old, blanched
6 wild dogs (preferably rabid)
Clark
1 fire-breathing dragon (organic preferred)
50 tons oil, divided
2 nuclear warheads, armed and chopped finely
Pinch of no self-preservation
3 drops blood
5 cups impending doom
Pinch of pain
1 thunderstorm
5 stitches
1 trashcan-full human nature
Directions:
Give the box cutter to the 6-year-old. Apply Clark to the situation. See what happens.
Microwave rabid dogs for 2-3 minutes and then let cool.
Fold cooled rabid dogs into the situation with Clark and the 6-year-old with a box cutter.
Locate the nearest doomsday bunker and prepare the nuclear warheads.
Heat 20 tons of the oil over medium-high heat. Lightly sear the fire-breathing dragon on both sides.
Sprinkle a pinch of lack of self-preservation and chopped nuclear warheads over dragon and allow flavors to develop.
Incorporate blood, sense of impending doom, and a pinch of pain with a hand mixer until stiff peaks form.
Preheat the oven to 425° (so the dragon will cook all the way through).
Take the impending doom, blood, and pain mixture and pour over the 6-year-old and Clark situation.
Blend rabid dogs with rest of oil and feed it to the dragon.
Put all ingredients except for Clark and the 6-year-old in a roasting pan.
Once in the oven, start the thunderstorm.
Bake for 4 hours. House and dragon should be thoroughly crisp.
Take dragon out of oven. Sprinkle with grated Clark and 6-year-old situation.
Garnish with stitches. Divide human nature among champagne flutes and serve alongside.