"Still Fighting It"

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by Didon Heri, Telling Room Author

My mom and dad were born on the same day. I remember we would celebrate their birthday like it was their last birthday on earth. My sisters Sunshine, Shae, and I would braid each other’s hair. My three brothers Jourdan, Jonathan, and John would do their haircuts. Back then, I used to think my brother’s hairstyles were silly the way they dyed it Korean-style and left one half long and cut the other side. I remember they would say,

“ My hair ain’t silly sista.”

I was born into a family of 8 persons. My Dad, Mom, three brothers, two sisters, and me. I loved my family. My childhood memories in Paris were amazing. My mom, Summer Rose, was the best cook ever. Many days my siblings and I would get home from school, sit down at the dining room table and eat her chicken with a lot of side dishes; kimchi and sauce, Chapaguri (짜파구리), and salad while looking out the window at the view of the water. When she wasn’t cooking, she would be making candles or making all the clothes. We were brought up near a lake where we could go swim and have fun. We had three horses and 3 dogs. My three dogs were Sage, Salut, and Sloane, the horses were Jackson, Mr. Lee, and Miss Alia. We would ride horses to the beach and play with the dogs. Life was so good and there was a lot of happiness. We weren’t wealthy, we were normal. My parents raised us Christians. We would go to church every Sunday. Mom would always tell me to live my day like it was my last day on this beautiful earth. But is it really beautiful?

For my 6th birthday, the family thought we should go to Pamukkale Thermal Pools, Turkey. We flew from Paris to Denizli, Turkey. We rested at a nice motel for two days because on the third day that was my birthday. My mom asked the motel for permission to cook for us. At 5:00 am my family, my close friend Alex that I met in Turkey and the motel worker would sing happy birthday, we would take pictures and dance, sing and eat. That was the best birthday I ever had. We had so much fun that I cried because I was so happy. My siblings were happy. I hugged and kissed them. We were very close and loved each other so much.

At 2 pm we were dressed and ready to go to Pamukkale Thermal Pools. MY dad was driving, my mom was singing. Alex was telling stories that we don’t even know if they are real or fake. I was laying on Jonathan and Sunshine I was holding Shae hand. While John and Jourdan were listening to Alex’s story. In the boot of the truck, there was Sage, Salut, and Sloane. The speed limit was 50km/h. A mac truck we didn’t know where it comes from it was so fast that it didn’t take a second for our car to flip over. I remember seeing my mom flew out the window, John’s whole head was smashed, Jourdan and Alex were under the car. Shae and Sunshine’s face was unable to tell who is which. The dogs were injured that they were unable to walk nor move. My head was bleeding and my hand was broken. I didn’t have any experience of how to save someone. My mom was screaming so much. However, I couldn’t tell where the voice was coming from. The last words that my dad said were, “you were always my special Baby, and sorry I couldn’t be with you for so long, I want you to make me proud kid….” “ Dad, hold on, don’t do this Dad. I couldn’t feel his pulse. I went to the road and waved with one hand. I was confused and didn’t know what to do. I shouted, “Where the hell are you, God? These are my people.” My head was bleeding so much that I didn’t know what happened next. I recall waking in a room full of doctors, my body was weak and painful. I could feel something wrapped around my head.

I asked where is my family, where are my parents, my siblings, my boyfriend, and my dogs? All the doctors were weeping, they couldn’t tell me anything. I couldn’t control myself but yell and cry too. There was only one who wasn’t crying, strong enough to tell me what happened. She said: “I’m sorry no one made it except Mrs. Summer her brain is dead but she is on life support. If you like to see their bodies come with me.” My heart was beating faster than ever. I saw my mama, I held her hand and told her, “please wake up mama”. Medicine says that when your brain is dead you are fully dead yet the machines are keeping you alive. But that day, mama’s last words were, “Oh my child! I want you to still fight it and your mama will rest in peace! We are always your family. I lov… you…”

Mama????????? I screamed.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Life is full choices, you just make the move

But you see sometimes you can cry it out and move on.

But keep them in your heart and be open for a new arrival

It’s your call because life holds so much every second.

This piece is being re-published as a part of our new The Voice of a Pride series. Learn more about this series here.


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