"Squid Season" by Leigh Ellis
Image Description: A spotted squid swimming and facing towards the camera.
I can’t remember when I realized I was trans exactly,
But it was probably sometime during squid season.
Either July or August,
I can’t remember.
They only come to the surface to feed at night,
The squid.
Summer nights always feel more infinite,
A blackness you can disappear into
A blackness you can lose your body in.
The silken surface of the ocean
Was a portal to another dimension,
A dimension where things like squid existed.
Three things that could be found on the dock (any midnight during squid season):
1. The briny t-shirts of whichever cousins were around that day, shed in the darkness to prove something (I don’t know what).
2. The disemboweled squid, spoils from the other dimension.
3. My feet.
Five characteristics of a squid catcher:
1. Never afraid of the all-encompassing darkness. I lost my soul in that squid-catching darkness. The boys never lost anything.
2. Ribcages like rungs of a ladder.
3. Jawlines that could cut (everything about a squid catcher could cut).
4. A special sweaty sheen rendering them glow-in-the-dark under the moonlight.
5. Must be able to become one with the squid.
Reflections:
I never was much of a squid catcher. Instead, I was a squid watcher. I watched as blood spilled on reflective countertops and olive oil was heated past its boiling point and I thought about how my sweat didn’t smell like the sweat of the squid catchers.
There are many boys who I would gladly gut, like one of their squid spoils, just to exist within their
sun-soaked
sweat-marinated
moonlit
skin.
Leigh Ellis is an eighteen year-old from Raymond, Maine and author of young adult magical realism novel, Bach in the Barn. Leigh grew up writing at the Telling Room, and their work has been featured in Telling Room anthologies See Beyond and Shadowboxing. Though no longer a student, they hope to stay involved with the Telling Room and similar organizations in the future. Leigh is attending Columbia University with a major in creative writing and is passionate about queer representation and advocacy. Their goal is to continue sharing the stories they needed to hear growing up, as well as helping others to do the same. Leigh is also in the process of compiling a zine of queer writing called Frisson, based on the scientific term for “getting the chills.” When not writing, Leigh can often be found collaging, taking pictures of street art, and making Spotify playlists.